Marriage counseling Session 4 – Resolving the inevitable conflicts

After review our individual goals and then being given the task of combining our lists into 1 single list we moved onto the next session, resolving the inevitable conflicts. During this session we discussed some common problem areas in Marriages, ways to avoid some of the problems and most importantly ways to solve conflicts when we have them. After finishing that session we discussed our “Fight Rules” and were given the task of combining them into a single list in preparation for Session # 5.

We discussed the following four principles of conflict resolution
1. Listen!
2. Think “Solution”
3. Speak the truth
4. Use the best powers of your tongue; remember your mate is not the enemy

We were given the task of coming up with a list of “Fight rules” that we would like to follow as homework. We did accomplish this task but for now I am not going to post these items here .

Dress Selection and Tuxedo Fitting

Lori and I have scheduled the dress selection for the maid of honor and bridesmaids as well as the Tuxedo fitting for myself, the best man, the groomsmen and our fathers for Sunday, April 26th at 2:00.

• If you can’t attend these events you can schedule an appointment on your own.
• If you are scheduling your own appointment please contact us for they appropriate information.
• If you schedule your own Tuxedo fitting we ask that it be completed before May 1st.

ALL THOSE “EVEN THOUGHS”

I just thought I would share one of our favorite poems.

It is from a book titled "For My Darling" by George E. Young.

When Lori and I first started to date I would travel 1-2 weekends a month for work. On one of my many travels I was looking for a gift to get Lori. At the time our relationship was still fairly young as we had known each other for less than a year. I was not sure what to get her but I did know that I wanted to impress her and that she liked poetry. So I found myself looking through some poetry books with little to no idea of what I was looking for. About the 10th book I picked up open right up to this poem (on page 8). As I read the poem it was clear to me that this was the gift for Lori. Anybody who knows us personally will know that this poem speaks volumes about our relationship.

ALL THOSE “EVEN THOUGHS”

Even though you do it this way
And I would do it like that.
Even though you swear it’s round
When I know durn well it’s flat.

Even though you enjoy some thing
That seem a bore to me
Even though your logic, my dear,
I often fail to see.

Even though some thing you do
I don’t understand at all.
And even though a few things seem
To drive me up the wall.

You are you and I love you.
In fact, I do suppose,
Among the things I love the most
Are all those even thoughs.

WINNER WINNER CHICKEN DINNER

Although I have never heard this phrase on any of my four trips to Las Vegas, it is a common story that when someone does well (which would explain why I have never heard it) an employee of the casino will shout out “Winner Winner Chicken Dinner“. Well today I get to use the phrase for something much different and far more important.

Yesterday Lori and I spent the day as volunteers at a basket auction to benefit two children who lost their parents to a tragedy just before Christmas. The auction was put together by my good friends Kelly and Tommy and their small army of volunteers (family, friends, and a Girl Scout troupe or two). Please understand that this blog post is from my point of view and I by no means intend to overshadow the amount of work done by Tommy and Kelly. What they did in putting this auction together was simply AWESOME. The share numbers that you will see below should indicated the amount of work they put into this event. I urge them to comment on this post and would be happy to post another blog written from their point of view is they wish.

Lori and I showed up at the basket auction at approx 10:30 and left around 7:30. While we were there our main focus was to run the 50/50 raffle tickets. What we saw throughout the day was a sheer testament of the human heart.

By the time Lori and I arrived (we would have been earlier but it took us about an hour to drive there) the volunteers had already set up a basket auction of 370 plus donated baskets, a side raffle of almost 30 high end donations, a 20 items silent auction, and a treasure chest valued at almost $1500. When Lori and I arrived we bought our share of tickets and distributed them in the baskets we wanted to win (of which we won exactly zero). We then took our spot and proceeded to sell 50/50 tickets. Throughout the day people would come, some would stay, some would leave but everyone would contribute. The room designed to hold 250 people was packed full from an early opening to a late finish. At one point I am sure we had enough bodies in the room to officially qualify for a world record of people to space ratio.

Lori and I along with two other totally awesome and dedicated volunteers sold over 4 rolls of 50/50 tickets. After each of the first two rolls and again after the final two rolls were sold we picked a winner. The winner would receive 50% of the money while the remaining funds went to the benefit. The winner of the first raffle split over $560, the second winner split $840, the third winner split almost $750. All in total the benefit got over almost $1100 from their share of that money but… It did not end there... the 2nd winner donated $200 of her winnings back to the benefit and the 3rd winner donated $180 of her winnings back to the benefit. All said and done the fund for the children made over $1450 from 50/50 raffle sales alone.

Meanwhile these acts of human kindness where happening throughout the room. My best friend Mark and I had donated Sabres tickets to the silent auctions. The tickets (valued at just over $100) which could have been purchased at the box office or on E-bay for approx $100, sold for almost $150. Tickets for a chance to win ½ of a Pig were selling better than the 50/50 tickets all day, more than 4000 sheets of basket auction tickets were sold, a clown and some magicians (also volunteers) showed up to entertain the children, a polish dancing group performed for the crowd and two high school boys brought their equipment to provided DJ services for the day.

Lori and I got to watch the town of Alden (and all of their friends, family and neighbors) pull together to help provide for two if it’s children.

Around 4:00 they started selecting winners of each basket… 3 hours later they had finished the baskets, the large raffle item winners had been selected, the silent auction was closed and winners notified, the winning treasure chest key had been selected and the chest opened and the final action of selecting door prize winners had begun. It had been a long day, we had not eaten much to this point, and we still had approx an hour drive home so we said our goodbyes to our friends and headed out the door for dinner and a ride home. On our ride home we discussed our day (something we are getting better at as we attend our marriage counseling sessions in preparation for our wedding). We talked about the new friends we made. We talked about how we left with no baskets, no door prizes, and almost empty wallets . Most importantly we discussed how we also felt like two of the biggest winners in the building as you see we both LOVE to help others and find great pride in doing so.

BUT…

Although both Lori and I feel like winners that is not where the title of this blog comes from... the title is much more important than us…. You see on Monday I got a message from Kelly telling me the auction raised over $27,000 for the children and the grand total raised between this event and the snowmobile run that I have previously blogged about is over $32,000. This money is to be placed in a trust fund for these children. The money will be used to provide for the children as they grow and help insure that they get an opportunity to go to college if they desire and they can as close to a normal childhood as possible. Due to the GREAT job by Kelly, Tommy and all the volunteers this event was a total SUCCESS.

So again I say…

WINNER WINNER CHICKEN DINNER.

Honeymoon destination selected

Lori and I have selected a destination (of sorts) for our honeymoon. We will be taking a 10 day cruise to the southern Caribbean. Our stops will include Aruba, Bonaire, Grenada, Dominica, St Thomas and the Bahamas. We have booked an Oceanview Double with balcony on the Ruby Princess with Princess Cruises. The balcony was very important to us as we are hoping to get an opportunity to see dolphins or whales but at the very least just see the water go by. Neither of us have been on an extended cruise (1 day at most) and the trip is scheduled for the very end of Hurricane season in the Caribbean so this should be a fun adventure. I have been to one of the destinations (Bahamas) and Lori has not been to any of these destinations so we are sure to be busy at each stop with lots of time for "rest" in-between.

Future Mother-in-Law has Surgery

As we mentioned On Feb 24th Lori’s mother needed to have surgery to place a coil in an aneurysm which will prevent the blood flow to it while still allowing the blood to flow through her artery to her brain. I am happy to announce that everything went well with the surgery and my future Mother-in-law is resting at home. She had us nervous for a bit as the surgery was done in two parts to avoid medical complications but everything went without a hitch. Having her healthy and with us as we make the decisions about the wedding sure does take a lot of pressure off of Lori and I. The biggest problem now is that Lori, her mother, and my mother usually agree about everything and since they out number me 3-1 many of my wedding ideas are out. Those ideas that have been rejected include but are not limited to shorts and Hawaiian shirts for the bridal party, dancing girls at the reception, and 50/50 tickets at the door.

I have decided to change shape

This blog post has come a bit late as I forgot to post it. So here it is as I wrote it over a month ago.

This last year has been a year of changes for me. In the fall I lost my feline friend Max to cancer, Nov. 29th my longtime girlfriend Lori agreed to marry me, Dec. 23rd I gave up my dependency on Pepsi (yes 80-120 oz a day is a dependency) and now as the Ides of March approaches it is time to make the biggest and most challenging change… I have decided to change shape.

Although the Ides is thought by some to be the day of the full moon I am not a lycanthrope or some other sort of mythical shape changing creature (although I know some people who tell some really good myths about me). For the last few years when people have talked about being in shape I would always respond… I am in shape, round is a shape!

Now it is time for that to change.

This is an adventure I have started numerous times in the past and always seem to go off course. I have tried over and over again so I am hoping that blogging about it as I go will help me stay honest with myself. This is not something that is going to happen overnight but it is something I want it to happen, I need it to happen, and it is something that must happen. My body can no longer handle carrying a quarter keg around with me every where I go. The extra weight has stressed my body in many ways. I have back problems, I have bad knees, I can't run very far, I run out of breath while hiking in the woods and it is time to make sure I get to see my unborn children grow up and have children of their own.

At this point I am not soliciting solutions but rather making an open attempt to become active in two areas that play a big part in determining my shape. First and foremost I must exercise more, second I need to become more aware of how much I consume.

There is just no way around the first item on my list. When the extent of my exercise on some days is going downstairs to the fridge and then back up the stairs to my desk I would consider that a FAIL on this topic I must do more. Using 12oz curls as an exercise… FAIL!! I have no one to blame for this situation but myself. No one can exercise for me I MUST do this myself.

Number two on my list is portion size. Since I really really enjoy eating food I am not going to make a promise to myself that I can't keep. I am not going to "give up" those certain foods that are the biggest contributor to my shape (pizza, steak, fries, ect) because I like them so much I just can't do it (been there, tried that, FAILED). This time I am only going to promise to better manage the portions of those foods that I do eat (and I am hoping Lori will help me with this). Ordering large portions must stop. I have a mental weakness that seems to prevent me from leaving uneaten portions on the table so the cure for this is to order less. Eating till I am full may be satisfying but must also stop.


Now an update on this blog… I am down almost 10 lbs.